And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed.  But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth.  Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for the Ark, and in fear and trembling,  Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

"Remember," said the Lord,  "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

 Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and the seas of the earth went into a tumult.      Then the Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.

 "Noah!"  he shouted.  "Where is the Ark?"

 "Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah.  "I did my best, but there were big problems."

Firstly, I had to get a Permit for Construction and your plans did not comply with the New Town Plan or the Building Code of Australia.  So I had to hire an Engineering firm and redraw the plans.

Then I got into a fight the with Occupational Health and Safety Commission over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system or flotation devices.

Then my neighbours objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my back yard, so I had to lodge a Rezoning Application with the Council which is now bogged down with the Land and Environment Court.

I also had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting down trees in Maroochy under their Tree Preservation By-Laws in order to protect the Kookaburras.
When I finally convinced the Department of Conservation and Land Management that I needed the wood to save the Kookaburras, National Parks and Wildlife decided that they wouldn't let me catch any Kookaburras.     So - No Kookaburras.

Then the carpenters formed a union and went on strike so I had to negotiate a settlement with the Department of Industrial Relations before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer.
Now I have sixteen carpenters for the Ark, but still no Kookaburras.

Now I've also received a Citation in the mail for $3,650-00 from the Dog Catcher for not having current Registration Tags for all the various breeds of Dogs and if it's not paid by tomorrow he's seizing the lot and it'll cost another $150 per dog to get them released.

Then when I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by the RSPCA.
They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.

Just when I got that suit dismissed, the Environmental Protection Agency notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an Environmental Impact Statement  on your proposed flood.
By the way Lord, they didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.

Then the Water Resources Commission demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain.  So I gave them a complete set of UBDs and Gregorys as well as an Atlas and a Globe.

And I'm still trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunities Commission that I am practising discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard.

Then the Australian Taxation Office seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to fleeing the country thereby avoiding paying taxes, and they advise that I also have to lodge my application registration of my ABN for the GST.

Now I've just received a notice from the Department of Harbours and Marine that I owe them some kind of user tax as I failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft."
They also insist that I need a boat drivers' licence but they are debating about how to classify the craft.

The Building Services Authority have put a stop work notice on the Ark, because they say it is a Barn and I have to hold a current Owner Builder's licence to construct it, and I  have to submit my financial details before they will approve it.  Which is going to be difficult because the Taxation Department seized them.

Next, my premiums for public liability have increased sixfold since the collapse of HIH, and I am unable to meet the payment as the Tax Department have seized my assets.

And I'm getting continual visits from; Greenpeace, RSPCA, Workcover, Sheriff's Office and numerous other government department inspectors all wanting me to complete and sign various Forms which all need to be witnessed by J.Ps etc.

Finally, the Australian Council for Civil Liberties got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional.

"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 6 or 7 years!" Noah wailed.

 Suddenly - The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the Earth,  Lord?" he asked.
"No, "  said the Lord sadly.  "I don't have to - Bureaucracy already has."

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